And as such, I begin work on the followup far before the first one is near publishable form?
Why? Cause I'm at the stage where I'm waiting around for ages waiting for feedback from my readers and such to see what's good and what's bad. I need something to in the mean time of course, so what better answer than to get cracking on yet another book.
Series are viewed by a lot of critics as cheap cash ins of the original. And they are absolutely right - the publishers love cash ins because cash ins are money. I'm not saying I want to go to writing absolute shit for money - but aiming for money is a fine goal. To make money from your writing is the goal of many, and sometimes you have to appeal to the consumer to reach your goal.
Especially when your writing fantasy, and with fantasy, series are all the more common. Why? You're likely creating an entire setting from scratch full of ideas and concepts. It's kind of a waste to throw all of those away after a single book. I have a lot of concepts in the first book that are merely hinted at that I think are cool- but through the context of the story of Escape elaborating on them has no point. So I move on to my next idea.
The next book is a direct sequel, taking place days after the first. However, it's only a sequel in the sense that the movie Mallrats is a sequel to Clerks. Mallrats takes place a day after Clerks, references the events of Clerks, but doesn't use a majority of the same characters, sans Jay & Silent Bob. My follow up is in the same vein - the events of the second book couldn't of happened without the events of the first, but the focus departs the central three characters in that book for another set of characters in another town. As of my current plans, only three characters, all minor and secondary in the first, will make reappearances in the second.
Publishers love series. It's actually a promotional to the first - because if a publisher or agent knows you have the will to be prolific, they are far more likely to represent you or publish your book knowing that you aren't just some one off writer. A lot of readers, myself included, will seek out an author's other books even if the one they read was only passable and not the greatest thing ever. Ex: Robert Lynn Asprin's Myth series. I didn't love this series, of the three major series I've read entirely(Discworld & Brust's Vlad Taltos series) it is by the far the weakest. That said, it was entertaining enough for me to read the rest of them. If I wasn't such a cheap ass, this would of meant more sales, because I know Asprin's work is at least passable, vs. taking a risk on other Author's work.
It's kind of a sad way to do things, but it's the way things are. I wanted to write far more stories with the setting anyway, so if I can manipulate the industry in the process - well, yeah, I'm going to.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Editing Round 2
Went over the manuscript once again, and as usual, it completely consumed my time as I tend to not know the meaning of moderation. Most of what I did this time was cut useless words and excessive adverbs. I kind of like how it turned out given it all, makes the narrative seem more assertive and less sketchy. I could probably stand to cut more, but I need to stop OCDing over it all really.
Until then it's await feedback from my slow reading friends, before I accidentally lop off some part people really like.
But for now, random movie reviews ahoy:
Balls of Fury - A campy comedy that doesn't try to be anymore than that, thanks to the marvels of editing. It's kind of a testament to it- if you watch the deleted scenes, it's evident they would of brought the movie down by being too serious - which would be a kiss of death for it since it's a movie about a life or death Ping Pong tournament - a concept few would hear and remain straight faced. Very good for what it is. 7/10
Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas - I don't know how this got mixed in with my comedies as I initially thought it was another crime drama since I never really did any research into what it was about outside being based on a book by Hunter S. Thompson. Strangely enough, it's rightfully classified as a comedy and a pretty decent one too. It's all a bit random but given it's about some writer(Side note: Why do writers keep writing about writers? I know it's write what you know, but could you at least try to show some variance? Make them seem less like Author Avatars?) hopped up on more drugs than I honestly knew existed stumbling through Las Vegas for a story, it's a randomness that makes sense as druggies are never the most logical types. It kind of ignores the standard plot structure for "I got high and went around Las Vegas. This is what happened". Just goes to show you that there's no rules to follow if you just want to put something entertaining out there- and probably whatever purpose one could write for. 8/10
Until then it's await feedback from my slow reading friends, before I accidentally lop off some part people really like.
But for now, random movie reviews ahoy:
Balls of Fury - A campy comedy that doesn't try to be anymore than that, thanks to the marvels of editing. It's kind of a testament to it- if you watch the deleted scenes, it's evident they would of brought the movie down by being too serious - which would be a kiss of death for it since it's a movie about a life or death Ping Pong tournament - a concept few would hear and remain straight faced. Very good for what it is. 7/10
Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas - I don't know how this got mixed in with my comedies as I initially thought it was another crime drama since I never really did any research into what it was about outside being based on a book by Hunter S. Thompson. Strangely enough, it's rightfully classified as a comedy and a pretty decent one too. It's all a bit random but given it's about some writer(Side note: Why do writers keep writing about writers? I know it's write what you know, but could you at least try to show some variance? Make them seem less like Author Avatars?) hopped up on more drugs than I honestly knew existed stumbling through Las Vegas for a story, it's a randomness that makes sense as druggies are never the most logical types. It kind of ignores the standard plot structure for "I got high and went around Las Vegas. This is what happened". Just goes to show you that there's no rules to follow if you just want to put something entertaining out there- and probably whatever purpose one could write for. 8/10
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Blurb'O'Movies
YOU NEED MY OPINIONS. YOU CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT THEM.
Team America: World Police - A 90 minute South Park Episode essentially, with puppets instead of cardboard. With 50% of the jokes being about them being puppets. I essentially have the same complaint with this movie that I have with South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut - despite being a South Park lover, the type of humor just doesn't work on such a long scale. I firmly believe the movie would of worked so much better if it didn't just reek of so many South Park staples, but as is, it's mildly amusing, but I really didn't like it. 5/10
Thank You For Smoking - To the lowest common denominator to something a bit more high brow. I dug this movie for some reason, possibly because they made the protagonist someone you can't bring yourself to boo or cheer - to use a wrestling term here, he's the perfect tweener. He's a gigantic smug asshole, but he has just enough redeeming quality where you don't want to hate him, and I believe this was the intention, making it a very well done movie. 8/10
That's all for today, too busy to write too much but I figured I best toss SOMETHING up here.
Team America: World Police - A 90 minute South Park Episode essentially, with puppets instead of cardboard. With 50% of the jokes being about them being puppets. I essentially have the same complaint with this movie that I have with South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut - despite being a South Park lover, the type of humor just doesn't work on such a long scale. I firmly believe the movie would of worked so much better if it didn't just reek of so many South Park staples, but as is, it's mildly amusing, but I really didn't like it. 5/10
Thank You For Smoking - To the lowest common denominator to something a bit more high brow. I dug this movie for some reason, possibly because they made the protagonist someone you can't bring yourself to boo or cheer - to use a wrestling term here, he's the perfect tweener. He's a gigantic smug asshole, but he has just enough redeeming quality where you don't want to hate him, and I believe this was the intention, making it a very well done movie. 8/10
That's all for today, too busy to write too much but I figured I best toss SOMETHING up here.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Why I Should Likely Seek Help
So I was struck with a completely random power outtage several hours ago. It's pouring down rain outside, but there is no thunder. Jumped out as strange to me, until my bedroom door randomly thrown open. The Anti-Occam's Razor Theory I like thinking about(in which instead of the most obvious solution I think of the most ridiculous way possible to explain things) is that one of my great great great great grand uncles from the Cherokee tribe's ghost had to bust into my door to tell me about a sale on handbags at the J.C. Penny's at the mall. Which is odd since I have no interest in handbags, wondering why one of my dead uncles from the late 1700s even cares or knows what a handbag is, and why did he manifest himself in spirit to me randomly all this time only to annoyingly throw my door open then forget to tell me about the handbag sale.
But if you really want to disagree with my perfectly logical theory, I guess we can just say it was the wind. And while we're going with your crazy person logic, we'll say the wind was responsible for the power outage too.
So I was left in the dark with nothing to do, so I turned my Nintendo DS I never played into a makeshift reading light and set forth to tackling my fresh bounty I stole from the library today. It was either that or sleep, and we all know sleep is vastly overrated. I went forth and read the first 90 pages of Stephen King's On Writing. It was suggested by the Something Awful forums, and even though I disliked The Mist for the most part, hey it can't hurt. I mean, he's a ludicrously famous and rich writer and I'm not. Even if all his stories are about writers from New England. He might have something worth saying on the field.
The book is apparently half-autobiography and he brought up a decent point- lots of people can't remember shit when they get to that age. A friend of mine in her 30s's earliest memory is apparently one of kindergarten. Her memory might just not be good, but hell if I know, but I figure let's be hypothetical and say our young memories wither as we age. So on behalf of the unlikely chance I become ludicrously successful and famous enough to warrant writing my own autobiographical account, I shall now post here, for all of the Internet to see, and possibly myself in forty or so years, my earliest memory at the time of my age being 21 years, 8 months, 25 days.
I had to have been no older than one. I was still in a white crib, and I actually remember getting my head caught in there at least once. So that may have been my earliest memory, but screw that, I don't remember anything about it and I wouldn't be telling you this if it wasn't at least mildly interesting. I suppose my head getting stuck in crib bars is plenty interesting if you're some sort of infant-hating sadist, but I'm getting off track here. It was the middle of the night, must have been three at night or so- proving that I was never a sound sleeper, even as an infant. I gathered this, not because I was a super genius who could tell time at the age of one, but because my parents were both asleep. My mother was quite the insomiac and would commonly stay up to watch all the late night talk shows and not sleep until quite some time afterwards. People's practices never change much over the years when you start to hit that comfortable stride- so something she did when I was six was something very likely she did when I was a toddler. I sat up and looked around. One year olds don't know good enough to see that it's still dark out to turn over and go back to sleep, that's wisdom not gained until about age twelve- for me anyway.
Little old me of course, decided to engage in a conversation with a piece of gum on the wall. The Tetricks were never the tidiest of people, and I'm sure my brother just happened to love his gum, and slapping it against the wall wherever instead of putting it in the trash. It must of been grape because I clearly remember the gum being purple. I can't remember the foggiest what I was talking to the gum about, probably because as I couldn't yet speak I don't think I was the best orator. All I can remember is the gum taunting me, and it upset me. All I think I did was did my best to protest as much as this toddler vs. gum argument can go. I don't think I cried, as no one ran in to check on me. I must of got tired of it eventually as I realized I couldn't escape the crib and there wasn't really much I could do so I went back to sleep.
Only to one year old me, I wasn't arguing with gum. I was arguing with some anthropomorphic personification of the moon. A blue crescent moon wearing sunglasses, who I remember talking to me in some Barry White-ish voice while mocking me, probably because I couldn't reach him, the crib bars barring all the rage and fury my infant self could unleash upon his fragile Already Been Chewed Form.
Being older and presumably wiser, I now know who my oldest nemesis and rival supposedly is.
Mac Tonight.
But if you really want to disagree with my perfectly logical theory, I guess we can just say it was the wind. And while we're going with your crazy person logic, we'll say the wind was responsible for the power outage too.
So I was left in the dark with nothing to do, so I turned my Nintendo DS I never played into a makeshift reading light and set forth to tackling my fresh bounty I stole from the library today. It was either that or sleep, and we all know sleep is vastly overrated. I went forth and read the first 90 pages of Stephen King's On Writing. It was suggested by the Something Awful forums, and even though I disliked The Mist for the most part, hey it can't hurt. I mean, he's a ludicrously famous and rich writer and I'm not. Even if all his stories are about writers from New England. He might have something worth saying on the field.
The book is apparently half-autobiography and he brought up a decent point- lots of people can't remember shit when they get to that age. A friend of mine in her 30s's earliest memory is apparently one of kindergarten. Her memory might just not be good, but hell if I know, but I figure let's be hypothetical and say our young memories wither as we age. So on behalf of the unlikely chance I become ludicrously successful and famous enough to warrant writing my own autobiographical account, I shall now post here, for all of the Internet to see, and possibly myself in forty or so years, my earliest memory at the time of my age being 21 years, 8 months, 25 days.
I had to have been no older than one. I was still in a white crib, and I actually remember getting my head caught in there at least once. So that may have been my earliest memory, but screw that, I don't remember anything about it and I wouldn't be telling you this if it wasn't at least mildly interesting. I suppose my head getting stuck in crib bars is plenty interesting if you're some sort of infant-hating sadist, but I'm getting off track here. It was the middle of the night, must have been three at night or so- proving that I was never a sound sleeper, even as an infant. I gathered this, not because I was a super genius who could tell time at the age of one, but because my parents were both asleep. My mother was quite the insomiac and would commonly stay up to watch all the late night talk shows and not sleep until quite some time afterwards. People's practices never change much over the years when you start to hit that comfortable stride- so something she did when I was six was something very likely she did when I was a toddler. I sat up and looked around. One year olds don't know good enough to see that it's still dark out to turn over and go back to sleep, that's wisdom not gained until about age twelve- for me anyway.
Little old me of course, decided to engage in a conversation with a piece of gum on the wall. The Tetricks were never the tidiest of people, and I'm sure my brother just happened to love his gum, and slapping it against the wall wherever instead of putting it in the trash. It must of been grape because I clearly remember the gum being purple. I can't remember the foggiest what I was talking to the gum about, probably because as I couldn't yet speak I don't think I was the best orator. All I can remember is the gum taunting me, and it upset me. All I think I did was did my best to protest as much as this toddler vs. gum argument can go. I don't think I cried, as no one ran in to check on me. I must of got tired of it eventually as I realized I couldn't escape the crib and there wasn't really much I could do so I went back to sleep.
Only to one year old me, I wasn't arguing with gum. I was arguing with some anthropomorphic personification of the moon. A blue crescent moon wearing sunglasses, who I remember talking to me in some Barry White-ish voice while mocking me, probably because I couldn't reach him, the crib bars barring all the rage and fury my infant self could unleash upon his fragile Already Been Chewed Form.
Being older and presumably wiser, I now know who my oldest nemesis and rival supposedly is.
Mac Tonight.Now at some point earlier that day I must of seen this commercial on television and it struck a cord with me. My toddler mind must have decided that I just didn't like this random and once used advertising McDonalds Mascot. Maybe I just dislike people with really long heads, or people who wear sunglasses at night time. I knew that was stupid even then.
Or maybe I should be more concerned with why I was a one year old kid who was hallucinating a conversation with a piece of chewed gum and should probably ask my relatives if there was a possibility I was being slipped LSD at such a young age. I know I was given a beer around this time as well, so maybe they thought one is the perfect age to experiment with drugs and alcohol. Get it out of my system early.
This, folks, is why I don't drink and stay off the drugs. I'm giving my parents the benefit of the doubt that I wasn't a one year old who was on an acid trip, and that my mind is perfectly fugged up enough already that I don't need to mess with it's chemistry anymore out of fear of something completely fuggin nutbar happening like making me come up with the cure for AIDs or becoming the Prime Minister of France after a random night of hard drinking.
Reflecting, I have many more fugged up stories I could force out here, but that's another story for another time- maybe next time in fact. Join me next time as I tell the stories of how I almost die thrice at the tender age of four through random accidents, same I need to be committed time, same I need to be committed channel.
Or maybe I should be more concerned with why I was a one year old kid who was hallucinating a conversation with a piece of chewed gum and should probably ask my relatives if there was a possibility I was being slipped LSD at such a young age. I know I was given a beer around this time as well, so maybe they thought one is the perfect age to experiment with drugs and alcohol. Get it out of my system early.
This, folks, is why I don't drink and stay off the drugs. I'm giving my parents the benefit of the doubt that I wasn't a one year old who was on an acid trip, and that my mind is perfectly fugged up enough already that I don't need to mess with it's chemistry anymore out of fear of something completely fuggin nutbar happening like making me come up with the cure for AIDs or becoming the Prime Minister of France after a random night of hard drinking.
Reflecting, I have many more fugged up stories I could force out here, but that's another story for another time- maybe next time in fact. Join me next time as I tell the stories of how I almost die thrice at the tender age of four through random accidents, same I need to be committed time, same I need to be committed channel.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
More Movie Reviews
Because my opinion matters so much.
The stuff that came next were all comedies, as as I stated earlier, I was quite tired of Crime Dramas at that point.
Clerks 2 - I consider myself a big fan of the five, albeit somewhat incorrectly but conveniently enough Jay & Silent Bob movies. Could also be called the Jersey Trilogy, but I also liked Dogma and Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back so that'd be incorrect, and Pentilogy isn't even a word I believe. I haven't seen Jersey Girl so I have no way of telling how horrible that is, and as advertised, it's not really my cup of tea so it's very low on the old list. I was somewhat wary of the film given it's obviously a response to the backlash against Jersey Girl, but it turns out it was as good a sequel as I could hope to be. It's able to stand on it's own and not just a total cash in on the first movie that a lot of movies seem to be, with a few nods here and there referring to the other five movies here and there. All I can really say for the most part is I dug it- and it was even...strangely enlightening in a few degrees. It's not knowledge I'm proud to have, but I suppose it's somehow useful. Maybe. I'll get back to you on that. 9/10
Borat - This movie made me realize I talk to too many stoners, because they all loved this movie far too much than what it was worth. It's mostly just Family Guy humor- it's a long series of skits that are mostly unrelated outside the fact that Borat and his foreign friend are traveling across America. It has it's moments sure, but I really need to stop taking movie suggestions from stoners. They laugh too easily and I guess that's why they enjoy crap like this. It also loses points for far too much masculine nudity, and not even good masculine nudity. It should be disgusting to everyone across the complete spectrum of sexual preference. 6/10
Hot Fuzz - I don't say this often, but I fuggin loved this movie. A pretty much perfect parody of over the top explosive cop action movies and tries to remain as such being set in an apparently perfectly peaceful village in England. The plot keeps going at a great pace through the movie and keeps the gags coming straight through the whole time while avoiding being too excessive. There's also a solid plot twist in the middle I didn't really see coming, complete with a lampooning of it's own plot twist. This is probably the best movie I've seen in years quite honestly. The only complaint I can form would be for to have kept one of the deleted scene subplots in - explains one aspect of the story near the end so much better. 10/10
And that's the random movie review backlog kept up for now. Join me next time as I review more shit no one really cares about because my random opinion is good practice according to a bunch of books...and books never lie, do they?
The stuff that came next were all comedies, as as I stated earlier, I was quite tired of Crime Dramas at that point.
Clerks 2 - I consider myself a big fan of the five, albeit somewhat incorrectly but conveniently enough Jay & Silent Bob movies. Could also be called the Jersey Trilogy, but I also liked Dogma and Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back so that'd be incorrect, and Pentilogy isn't even a word I believe. I haven't seen Jersey Girl so I have no way of telling how horrible that is, and as advertised, it's not really my cup of tea so it's very low on the old list. I was somewhat wary of the film given it's obviously a response to the backlash against Jersey Girl, but it turns out it was as good a sequel as I could hope to be. It's able to stand on it's own and not just a total cash in on the first movie that a lot of movies seem to be, with a few nods here and there referring to the other five movies here and there. All I can really say for the most part is I dug it- and it was even...strangely enlightening in a few degrees. It's not knowledge I'm proud to have, but I suppose it's somehow useful. Maybe. I'll get back to you on that. 9/10
Borat - This movie made me realize I talk to too many stoners, because they all loved this movie far too much than what it was worth. It's mostly just Family Guy humor- it's a long series of skits that are mostly unrelated outside the fact that Borat and his foreign friend are traveling across America. It has it's moments sure, but I really need to stop taking movie suggestions from stoners. They laugh too easily and I guess that's why they enjoy crap like this. It also loses points for far too much masculine nudity, and not even good masculine nudity. It should be disgusting to everyone across the complete spectrum of sexual preference. 6/10
Hot Fuzz - I don't say this often, but I fuggin loved this movie. A pretty much perfect parody of over the top explosive cop action movies and tries to remain as such being set in an apparently perfectly peaceful village in England. The plot keeps going at a great pace through the movie and keeps the gags coming straight through the whole time while avoiding being too excessive. There's also a solid plot twist in the middle I didn't really see coming, complete with a lampooning of it's own plot twist. This is probably the best movie I've seen in years quite honestly. The only complaint I can form would be for to have kept one of the deleted scene subplots in - explains one aspect of the story near the end so much better. 10/10
And that's the random movie review backlog kept up for now. Join me next time as I review more shit no one really cares about because my random opinion is good practice according to a bunch of books...and books never lie, do they?
Baltimore Sucks
Today, I took the SAT. This required me to go into a place I don't often travel, a place known as Baltimore City. It is a terrible, terrible place. Did I mention it was terrible? Oh yeah, it's terrible.
The place I was going to take the test was a place called Baltimore City College. It looked like a nice old building, probably the only nice thing about the city. What I quickly learned when I entered the building was in fact that it was not a college at all...but a high school. Why on earth do you call it a college if it's a high school? It's semantics, sure, but it just struck me as incredibly stupid. The only refuge of it's claim is that it seemed to be intended for gifted and talented students, as shockingly, they somehow exist in Baltimore, hence maybe earning it something more of a title than a High School- but it's still just a high school, not a college. Blahg.
The atrocities of the city came to ahead when I left from the SATs(I think I did above average. Much like my ACT. I'm confident in my ability to do Above Averagely in most things.). It's particulary windy in Baltimore, and I quickly was freezing my ass off. I had to call and wait for my ride, since I'm far too impoverished to get my own vehicle or be able to even find someone with a decent enough car to teach me to drive. I figured since at this point I'd eaten nothing all day(I intended to eat before the test but was in a rush) so I set forth to just look for some place I could sit, get something hot to eat, wait for my ride and not freeze my fuggin ass off. A McDonalds, Wendy's, Burger King- a fast food joint. Should be easy enough, I'm in Baltimore, the thirteenth biggest city in the United States. Surely, these fast food entrepreneurs will strike at the gold of a dense urban area and I should have plenty of choice.
Nope. Nothing. Two miles around the city, and I couldn't find one viable fast food restaurant. Or a pay phone, what I must use because I'm too god-damned cheap to get a cellphone and join the 21st century. Couldn't even find one of those, but I could find COUNTLESS liquor stores. COUNTLESS churches, and flat out hilariously(to me anyway), a liquor store and a church in one building, right next store to one another. If it was funny once, it was ironic twice, and flat out sad when I saw it a third time. Yes, three buildings with both a liquor store and house of God right next to each other - and I doubt they dealt solely in the blood of Christ. In addition, I found three places to get my paychecks cashed, if I had a paycheck on me. One offered to prepare my taxes, but I think I'll save my money and do them myself, while avoiding the likely fact it seems like a prime place to get mugged. While I could find no fast food restaurants, I found no less than six, yes count them ladies and gentlemen, six, Chinese food take out places. I was not in Baltimore's Chinatown, mind you, for as far as I know the city doesn't have one. There's a Little Italy, but no Chinatown. But one would think, with so many Chinese restaurants, the market would be saturated and all but two or three would go out of business. No, Baltimore really really fuggin loves it's Chinese food apparently.
So there went my plan of a comfortable lunch while waiting for my ride. At that point all I wanted to do was find a pay phone, and if I had to suffer the annoying as hell winds, so be it. After another half mile, alas, I found one. Two, actually, but one had lost the receiver. Someone must of ran off with it, and apparently stealing pay phones is a common occurance because there were steel plates in place to keep people from yanking the phones out of the booths. I went to work on the one working one, having to un-stick the 6 key before I could sucessfully dial my home phone number and acquire my ride. That was easy enough, despite the phone quality being...well quite shit.
Speaking of shit, a bird shit on me. This isn't the cities fault, birds shit. Can't be helped. But it just seemed horribly symbolic of the city that of all the places for a bird to shit on me, I get shit on in Baltimore. It wasn't that bad, but it was just a shitastic top to shitastic revelations about the city that I call my hometown, mainly because explaining where Dundalk is too much effort and I'm only a half mile from the city line anyway. I just made a point, and rightfully so, to avoid the city.
The adventures in the city being shitty weren't over yet. I went into a nearby convenience store- which honestly, I would not been able to tell it was even open for business outside a single neon sign. Apparently there was no room for decoration and advertisement of sales because they feared someone busting through the window and robbing the place, so instead of advertisements, they had huge iron bars protecting the windows. As I hate advertisements, I am not sure if this is exactly worth complaining about. Entering the store itself, low and behold, yes, the clerk was paranoid to put himself behind a huge plexiglass wall to protect himself from the customers. Having just been shit on by the Birds of Baltimore, I asked for a napkin or paper towel, and was denied. In the county, this was never denied, regardless if I was customer or not, clerks would always happily give you a towel. Here, the clerk was a dick because I'm 21, which puts me at prime age to pull out a glock and rob his store. I shrugged, and looked to perhaps buying something to eat here, given at this point I'd eaten nothing for about 20 hours, and as a mildly obese man, that is hell. My senses got the better of me given the condition of the place, so I stopped myself from ordering a hot dog of some sort, and my instincts were proven right as it looked moldy and literally had a hair on it when I passed the rollers with the dogs on it. I decided just to get a sealed drink, which cost me $1.05. That seems kind of irrelevant, but it was a can of Arizona Orangeade, which carries a price of 99 cents right on the can. It says something about the store really I suppose when they mark up stuff with the cost right on the can where every other store I've been to has honored the 99 cent price tag.
I took it outside and sat it down. I spit on my pleather jacket and rubbed it against the brick wall to get the blatant bird shit stain from not being no obvious. I then cracked open my only nourishment for the time and drank it. It tasted kind of off, so I looked at the expiration date. Low and behold, oh my god, yes indeedy, it was expired. I payed 6 cents more for an expired can of Orangeade. I just didn't care enough to bitch and figured I don't see what in it could of killed me it was past it's "Sell By" date so I just drank it until my chariot to get me the fug out of this horrible city finally showed up.
This is only a rough account of the screwed up shit I saw around the city. I saw countless things in disrepair, and I'm sure one could go on and on about the shittiness of the city, hell I hate it and I wasn't even mugged, raped, or murdered, all of which have horrifyingly high rates in Baltimore according to Wikipedia. This isn't really any sort of political call to fix the city, cause I'm sure that's not going to fix anything. The city is the way it is sometimes, and my grievances are of ludicrously light concern(Spoiled Orangeade is really nothing. Just a small sign in a bigger picture) compared to most people's, but the whole point of this little tirade can be summed up in two words- Baltimore sucks. As soon as I get the money to do so, I'm getting the hell out of here.
The place I was going to take the test was a place called Baltimore City College. It looked like a nice old building, probably the only nice thing about the city. What I quickly learned when I entered the building was in fact that it was not a college at all...but a high school. Why on earth do you call it a college if it's a high school? It's semantics, sure, but it just struck me as incredibly stupid. The only refuge of it's claim is that it seemed to be intended for gifted and talented students, as shockingly, they somehow exist in Baltimore, hence maybe earning it something more of a title than a High School- but it's still just a high school, not a college. Blahg.
The atrocities of the city came to ahead when I left from the SATs(I think I did above average. Much like my ACT. I'm confident in my ability to do Above Averagely in most things.). It's particulary windy in Baltimore, and I quickly was freezing my ass off. I had to call and wait for my ride, since I'm far too impoverished to get my own vehicle or be able to even find someone with a decent enough car to teach me to drive. I figured since at this point I'd eaten nothing all day(I intended to eat before the test but was in a rush) so I set forth to just look for some place I could sit, get something hot to eat, wait for my ride and not freeze my fuggin ass off. A McDonalds, Wendy's, Burger King- a fast food joint. Should be easy enough, I'm in Baltimore, the thirteenth biggest city in the United States. Surely, these fast food entrepreneurs will strike at the gold of a dense urban area and I should have plenty of choice.
Nope. Nothing. Two miles around the city, and I couldn't find one viable fast food restaurant. Or a pay phone, what I must use because I'm too god-damned cheap to get a cellphone and join the 21st century. Couldn't even find one of those, but I could find COUNTLESS liquor stores. COUNTLESS churches, and flat out hilariously(to me anyway), a liquor store and a church in one building, right next store to one another. If it was funny once, it was ironic twice, and flat out sad when I saw it a third time. Yes, three buildings with both a liquor store and house of God right next to each other - and I doubt they dealt solely in the blood of Christ. In addition, I found three places to get my paychecks cashed, if I had a paycheck on me. One offered to prepare my taxes, but I think I'll save my money and do them myself, while avoiding the likely fact it seems like a prime place to get mugged. While I could find no fast food restaurants, I found no less than six, yes count them ladies and gentlemen, six, Chinese food take out places. I was not in Baltimore's Chinatown, mind you, for as far as I know the city doesn't have one. There's a Little Italy, but no Chinatown. But one would think, with so many Chinese restaurants, the market would be saturated and all but two or three would go out of business. No, Baltimore really really fuggin loves it's Chinese food apparently.
So there went my plan of a comfortable lunch while waiting for my ride. At that point all I wanted to do was find a pay phone, and if I had to suffer the annoying as hell winds, so be it. After another half mile, alas, I found one. Two, actually, but one had lost the receiver. Someone must of ran off with it, and apparently stealing pay phones is a common occurance because there were steel plates in place to keep people from yanking the phones out of the booths. I went to work on the one working one, having to un-stick the 6 key before I could sucessfully dial my home phone number and acquire my ride. That was easy enough, despite the phone quality being...well quite shit.
Speaking of shit, a bird shit on me. This isn't the cities fault, birds shit. Can't be helped. But it just seemed horribly symbolic of the city that of all the places for a bird to shit on me, I get shit on in Baltimore. It wasn't that bad, but it was just a shitastic top to shitastic revelations about the city that I call my hometown, mainly because explaining where Dundalk is too much effort and I'm only a half mile from the city line anyway. I just made a point, and rightfully so, to avoid the city.
The adventures in the city being shitty weren't over yet. I went into a nearby convenience store- which honestly, I would not been able to tell it was even open for business outside a single neon sign. Apparently there was no room for decoration and advertisement of sales because they feared someone busting through the window and robbing the place, so instead of advertisements, they had huge iron bars protecting the windows. As I hate advertisements, I am not sure if this is exactly worth complaining about. Entering the store itself, low and behold, yes, the clerk was paranoid to put himself behind a huge plexiglass wall to protect himself from the customers. Having just been shit on by the Birds of Baltimore, I asked for a napkin or paper towel, and was denied. In the county, this was never denied, regardless if I was customer or not, clerks would always happily give you a towel. Here, the clerk was a dick because I'm 21, which puts me at prime age to pull out a glock and rob his store. I shrugged, and looked to perhaps buying something to eat here, given at this point I'd eaten nothing for about 20 hours, and as a mildly obese man, that is hell. My senses got the better of me given the condition of the place, so I stopped myself from ordering a hot dog of some sort, and my instincts were proven right as it looked moldy and literally had a hair on it when I passed the rollers with the dogs on it. I decided just to get a sealed drink, which cost me $1.05. That seems kind of irrelevant, but it was a can of Arizona Orangeade, which carries a price of 99 cents right on the can. It says something about the store really I suppose when they mark up stuff with the cost right on the can where every other store I've been to has honored the 99 cent price tag.
I took it outside and sat it down. I spit on my pleather jacket and rubbed it against the brick wall to get the blatant bird shit stain from not being no obvious. I then cracked open my only nourishment for the time and drank it. It tasted kind of off, so I looked at the expiration date. Low and behold, oh my god, yes indeedy, it was expired. I payed 6 cents more for an expired can of Orangeade. I just didn't care enough to bitch and figured I don't see what in it could of killed me it was past it's "Sell By" date so I just drank it until my chariot to get me the fug out of this horrible city finally showed up.
This is only a rough account of the screwed up shit I saw around the city. I saw countless things in disrepair, and I'm sure one could go on and on about the shittiness of the city, hell I hate it and I wasn't even mugged, raped, or murdered, all of which have horrifyingly high rates in Baltimore according to Wikipedia. This isn't really any sort of political call to fix the city, cause I'm sure that's not going to fix anything. The city is the way it is sometimes, and my grievances are of ludicrously light concern(Spoiled Orangeade is really nothing. Just a small sign in a bigger picture) compared to most people's, but the whole point of this little tirade can be summed up in two words- Baltimore sucks. As soon as I get the money to do so, I'm getting the hell out of here.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Short Movie Review Assault
Random opinions for filler content which may or may not be worth your time. Woo.
Been catching up on some essential and not so essential movies recently with Netflix, mainly keeping in line for inspiration with a crime-based world for Escape.
The Godfather - The only thing I really didn't like about this movie was that it kind of just suddenly ends, as if there were plans for a sequel, which there weren't at the time. I prefer my movies to be self-encompassing really, but eh. Drags a little, but that might be my modern attention span acting up. 8/10
The Godfather Part II - I liked this one a bit more than the first. Darker in the main plot, but I really preferred the subplot of the flashbacks of Don Vito coming to America and getting started through it all. Non-Ending with a purpose since you can assume everything that's implied to happen happens. 9/10
The Godfather Part III - As expected, always viewed as the weakest of the series and my opinion isn't much different. The higher production values of years later kind of kill the immersion of the jump between the first two. I saw no point in the Cousincest subplot, and damn you need to review the first two if you want to know what's going on here or you'd be clueless. I don't like movies that can't stand alone. 6/10
Casino - Joe Pesci must be typecast as a psychopath because he plays another one here. I will say alot of these movies could be made better by cutting em down more, but I'll give this one a pass because it's another 'might be a true story' thing and they want to show all the details. 7/10
Scarface - A movie with a bastard as a protagonist. Only difference is, that unlike most stories where the protagonist is a bastard, the protagonist is actually far more bastardy than most of the people he's in conflict with. He only does one redeeming thing in about the whole movie that goes beyond the call of duty - and then immediately invalidates that by killing his sister's husband. I can see where this movie gets it's cult like following. 8/10
Taxi Driver - This actually isn't a crime drama at all. It got tossed in the spree, probably because of DeNiro. Very weird but intriguing movie. Travis Bickle is a great character with radically different yet all the same believable motivations for his actions, one of those characters who could buy a modern day psychiatrist a house with all the therapy he'd need. Probably my favorite drama of all of them I've watched. 10/10
I think I would of enjoyed the lot of them a lot more if I didn't watch them one after another. I started to really get burned out on the genre once I was getting to Scarface. My attention was really getting killed. After Taxi Driver(although I wouldn't count it as a Crime Drama) I'm sure as hell going to take a break from the genre. Which is fine since Escape is more or less done barring any serious rewrites suggested or requested. Tomorrow I'll add a few more reviews(more of my favored genre of Comedy) but I got some SAT stuff to read up on instead of writing for an audience of one. (Hi M.)
Been catching up on some essential and not so essential movies recently with Netflix, mainly keeping in line for inspiration with a crime-based world for Escape.
The Godfather - The only thing I really didn't like about this movie was that it kind of just suddenly ends, as if there were plans for a sequel, which there weren't at the time. I prefer my movies to be self-encompassing really, but eh. Drags a little, but that might be my modern attention span acting up. 8/10
The Godfather Part II - I liked this one a bit more than the first. Darker in the main plot, but I really preferred the subplot of the flashbacks of Don Vito coming to America and getting started through it all. Non-Ending with a purpose since you can assume everything that's implied to happen happens. 9/10
The Godfather Part III - As expected, always viewed as the weakest of the series and my opinion isn't much different. The higher production values of years later kind of kill the immersion of the jump between the first two. I saw no point in the Cousincest subplot, and damn you need to review the first two if you want to know what's going on here or you'd be clueless. I don't like movies that can't stand alone. 6/10
Casino - Joe Pesci must be typecast as a psychopath because he plays another one here. I will say alot of these movies could be made better by cutting em down more, but I'll give this one a pass because it's another 'might be a true story' thing and they want to show all the details. 7/10
Scarface - A movie with a bastard as a protagonist. Only difference is, that unlike most stories where the protagonist is a bastard, the protagonist is actually far more bastardy than most of the people he's in conflict with. He only does one redeeming thing in about the whole movie that goes beyond the call of duty - and then immediately invalidates that by killing his sister's husband. I can see where this movie gets it's cult like following. 8/10
Taxi Driver - This actually isn't a crime drama at all. It got tossed in the spree, probably because of DeNiro. Very weird but intriguing movie. Travis Bickle is a great character with radically different yet all the same believable motivations for his actions, one of those characters who could buy a modern day psychiatrist a house with all the therapy he'd need. Probably my favorite drama of all of them I've watched. 10/10
I think I would of enjoyed the lot of them a lot more if I didn't watch them one after another. I started to really get burned out on the genre once I was getting to Scarface. My attention was really getting killed. After Taxi Driver(although I wouldn't count it as a Crime Drama) I'm sure as hell going to take a break from the genre. Which is fine since Escape is more or less done barring any serious rewrites suggested or requested. Tomorrow I'll add a few more reviews(more of my favored genre of Comedy) but I got some SAT stuff to read up on instead of writing for an audience of one. (Hi M.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)